Tinder, Bumble, Hinge; it doesn’t matter, they all suck.
I find it both liberating and depressing that we live in a time when it’s so easy to get a date or a booty call, all you need to do is swipe right and acknowledge mutual attraction. The former, because it’s been a long time coming for women to embrace their sexuality and meet men on a level playing field, the latter because I still hold out hope that i’m destined for a great love to rival Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy.
I’ve dropped in and out of dating apps throughout my four/five years of abject singledom with the same enthusiasm that I partake in paying my gym membership; you never know, I might make the effort this time.
The vicious circle goes like this; I ponder over how long i’ve been single, contemplate the constant jibes, questions and curious remarks made by those around me (usually those between the 40-60 age bracket) decide it would be quite nice to have a boyfriend to do things with and realise I don’t know anyone who could take on this role. I download Tinder or Hinge or whatever the flavour of the month is and spend 2-3 days swiping left, occasionally right and painfully considering opening conversation.
I start talking to someone, the conversation is dry because the interest just isn’t there, it’s been less than an hour and they inevitably want to meet up, I immediately lose enthusiasm for the whole ordeal.
Delete, wait 2 weeks, repeat.
I understand there’s a lot of people out there who believe it’s a waste of time talking over text when you could meet up, see if there’s a spark and go from there. I also understand that a lot of people (mostly men) don’t understand the risk some (mostly women) put themselves through when agreeing to meet a stranger. Sorry, but you’re not worth the risk after two minutes of polite chat and no DBS to prove your criminal record.
Dating in general causes me anxiety, I hate the thought of deciding I don’t like someone and having to end it, I hate the thought of liking someone and being ghosted for the 10,000th time even more. I can’t be bothered to get to know someone for the pure objective of dating them, I want friendships and flirting and a solid foundation of knowledge about someone, I know i’m not the only person who feels this way too.
Ultimately I think you find exactly what you’re looking for on Tinder, especially if what you’re looking for is a hook up. I’ve heard relationships have been forged out of Tinder dates and Bumble hook ups and I suppose those people are good at creating interesting conversations with people they don’t know at all – a skill i’ve barely mastered with people I know very well.
In any case, for now i’ve given it the boot and continue to wistfully await my 19th century brooding gent.